Having Conversations

“Disappointment happens when reality doesn't meet expectations.”

So why aren’t we better at having conversations—especially around money?

Finances are still taboo in many communities, and people often avoid the subject altogether. But clear communication and setting expectations are what help lay the foundation for a healthy financial life.

I see this all the time with my clients. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, communication is a crucial part of building your financial ecosystem.

Let’s start with couples.

Often, they show up having naturally fallen into a system: “You pay this, I’ll pay that.” And while that might work logistically, the issue is that the system usually just happened—without any real conversation or agreement. Fast-forward a few years, and there’s often tension or disappointment because unspoken expectations weren’t met.

What I’ve found helpful is creating space for both people to:

• Share what they value

• Talk about their money story

• Dream out loud about their goals

Even if you already have a system in place, the conversation doesn’t stop there.

Let’s say you just had a child—have you talked about saving for their college?

Will you pay for part of it or all of it?

Maybe one of you had to take out student loans, while the other’s parents covered everything. These are different lived experiences, and they often lead to different financial philosophies. You can’t get aligned if you never talk about it.

And later, when your child is in high school and starts touring colleges—have you had the conversation with them? Do they know what’s been saved and what’s expected? Again, it comes down to setting expectations.

Now, what if you don’t have a partner? Does that mean these conversations aren’t important? Absolutely not.

For many of us first-gen wealth builders, we’re often the family’s safety net—whether it’s being our parents’ retirement plan, supporting relatives in another country, or helping a loved one here. These conversations are just as critical.

Start by getting clear on the situation:

• Are you the safety net in case of emergency?

• Or are you providing ongoing support?

  If it’s ongoing, what exactly are you supporting? Essentials or lifestyle?

I’ve seen situations—especially in minority communities—where someone thinks they’re supporting their parents, but the parents are actually passing that money to another family member. So now you’re supporting your sibling through your parents—without even knowing it.

Supporting your loved ones is a beautiful act. I’m not saying don’t do it.

But clearly defining what you can and will contribute to will save everyone from confusion, resentment, and yes—disappointment.

At the end of the day, money is more than numbers—it’s tied to our values, experiences, and the people we care about. Whether you’re navigating finances with a partner or supporting family on your own, having honest conversations is the key to reducing disappointment and building trust. Don’t wait for tension to arise—talk early, talk often, and set expectations clearly. That’s how we build a financial life that actually works for us and those we love.

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